A Spouse's Guide to Mother's Day

With Mother's Day fast-approaching, I'm here to help the spouses out. Now, I am definitely biased, and you'll notice a trend in what moms really want for Mother's Day. I'm sure there's some mathematical equation that I could use, taking into account variables such as the number of children and how old the children are, but I taught English and not math, so this will have to do. 

If you and your spouse share small, tiny humans, your wife needs and wants a break! Trust me. As the sole parent most of the time (thanks, Army) and mother of essentially Irish triplets, I am spent. I am touched out and exhausted. I love my children, but a weekend away from them would be the most glorious thing right now. (Again, I have three small children, and I'm solo-parenting often, so please don't judge-- we as moms get enough of that). 

For moms of young children or those with more than one child, the best gift you can give is often some well-deserved personal space. Even if you’re “ballin’ on a budget,” taking the kids away so mom can sleep– uninterrupted– would be magical for some. Moms juggle a multitude of responsibilities every day, and sometimes, all they crave is a moment of quiet and solitude. Consider taking over the childcare duties for the day-- or if you can't do something on Mother's Day, gift her a special day in the near future to look forward to-- sometimes just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and a break coming is both a sigh of relief as well as an extra motivator. This allows her to relax and recharge without interruptions-- and without hearing "Mom! I want" or "Mom, can you ____" 232 times a day. Seriously, I've heard "Mom" approximately 52 times in the ten minutes I've been writing this so far. 

There was a slight difference between moms who work outside the home and moms who work within the home-- whether they work remotely or stay-at-home moms. Those who do work outside of the home would like to spend some part of the day with their children, but do not let mom do ANY of the planning or put any of that responsibility on her-- that just adds more to her to-do list and the mental load. (This includes getting your mom her gift for Mother's Day without your wife buying it for you.)

For moms of teens or adult children, the focus shifts to spending quality time together. Whether going out for a leisurely brunch, taking a scenic hike, or simply enjoying a heartfelt conversation, what matters most is the opportunity to connect and bond. Pro tip: Get in some good "Proof of Mom" pictures while you're out and about-- this applies to moms of younger kids, too.

And moms of adult children and empty-nesters would love a surprise visit! Even if you can't be together in person, a thoughtful video call or virtual chat can make her feel loved and appreciated.

I asked my Facebook friends to test my theory, and it's credible. Here are just some of the 48 responses I received:

-"You nailed it. I asked to go to a fancy hotel alone and to only have to make decisions for myself." (One child, under one year old)

-"I want freedom to buy an expensive thing for myself, I want brunch food (that I don't have to cook), and I don't want any fighting." (Two children, pre-teens)

-"24 hours of someone catering to my every need with plenty of sleep and me not making any decisions or answering any questions." (Three children, ages six and under)

-"15 minutes of peace without cleaning up a mess at this stage would be amazing, but that spa day... I feel ya!" (Twins, toddler age)

-"Bye!" (Two children, 6 and 4 years old)

-"When my kids were younger, my dream was to just have a hotel room alone for the night, order room service, and chill. Now that my kids are older (14 and 16), a nice lunch or game day just hanging out with them would be nice. But I still don't want to have to really plan or cook. I do that the other 364 days of the year."

Others who are still able to visit with their mothers and grandmothers appreciate that fleeting time, but they want a short break for part of the day, so schedule the grandparent visits and then plan dinner or plan a brunch and then make an afternoon visit.

One common thread: No matter the era of motherhood your spouse is in, it is a break from the mental load. This means they want to avoid thinking or making any decisions. Take the initiative to plan the day, whether organizing a special breakfast in bed, arranging a relaxing spa day, or preparing a picnic in the park. By taking the initiative and handling the details, you give her the gift of not worrying about anything. 

Ultimately, the key to a successful Mother's Day is to tailor the celebration to fit the preferences and desires of the mom in your life-- and tailor them to the era of motherhood she's in-- her wants will differ depending on this. Whether providing space for relaxation, easing the mental load, or simply enjoying each other's company, your thoughtfulness and effort will undoubtedly make her day extra special. 

Oh, and no mother wants to cook on Mother's Day. You're welcome.